My entire life I have struggled with exercise. As a child I was severely asthmatic and therefore banned from doing P.E. or any sports that caused my heart rate to increase. Fortunately I discovered that I could ride horses, and my parents gladly supported that in lieu of doing sports. When I was in college and discovered that my asthma was really a severe dairy allergy, everything changed. I bought my first pair of running shoes and was immediately hooked. I decided that I needed to run a marathon. I would get all worked up into a frenzy and start training much too often too soon, and my efforts always ended in injury. Once this cycle had repeated itself over and over for a few years, I took up cycling. I began commuting long distances to work on my bike, riding after work with friends and then going on long destination rides on the weekend. I went through phases where I would begin a running program on top of all of the cycling. I don’t know if it was because of the lack of exercise in my childhood, but I was obsessed with pushing my body to the limit.
In late 2011 I had my big “crash.” It followed my Hashimoto’s diagnosis, a liver cleanse, an exhausting road trip, and one of my recent running/cycling phases (one where I was running and cycling more than I ever had in my life). All it took was a viral infection in the midst of all of this and boom, I was deep in the throes of adrenal fatigue.
As I began to heal from this crash, one thing was incredibly apparent – exercise was not my friend. I was obsessed with the need to move, but my body wouldn’t allow it. I went for months only managing to be able to walk a few blocks around the neighborhood (some days having to be supported by my loving husband and sister because I was so weak). My mom gave me a rebounding trampoline and I gently bounced on it for 10 minutes twice a day. I was extremely upset to discover that I could not do yoga because my blood pressure was too low. I figured out a couple of seated poses that I could manage and built that into my routine. I also got into meditation and qigong. My “exercise” routine consisted of a short walk, some bouncing, a couple of yoga poses, and a meditation. For someone that a few months earlier was strong and fit, this was an incredibly humbling experience.
2012 brought with it many revelations about health and my life changed considerably. I was intent on figuring out how to heal myself, and I knew that one of those pieces was going to be exercise. The answer wasn’t what I expected, however – it was a clear “no”, at least to my definition of exercise. This was an incredibly difficult lesson to learn. The second I felt any type of improvement in my energy, I started dreaming of all the ways I could use it. I seriously had to put my running shoes away because they were taunting me. At this point I was aware of what I needed to do to help my body heal, and I made a plan.
My exercise goal for 2012 ended up being this: I would attempt to do a little yoga every day. I would try and walk as much as I could. Thats it! I would not run or start riding my bike again, even if I felt I was up to it. I would not get a gym membership and take classes that would exhaust me. Instead I would work on exercising my spirit through meditation and reading.
How did I do? I was a little disobedient – I rode my bike once and attempted to run a few times, I am not going to lie. In the beginning of the year when I was still quite sick, I found it hard to do the little yoga that I could tolerate. Eventually I felt myself getting stronger, and I was able to do more and more poses. The day that I was able to stand up without fainting was met with celebration – I could now do standing poses! I continued building my practice until I could endure an hour-long session almost every day. Other than yoga, the only other exercise I have been doing is walking. As I got stronger, I could walk further and in more hilly areas in my neighborhood. I have really come to enjoy it – I have met more of my neighbors, know where all the cool fruit trees are and have a greater sense of being connected to the place that I live.
What are my exercise goals from here? This year I am so happy to be where I am at. I love my yoga practice and my walking routine (although it is hard to be inspired by the weather in Seattle this time of year). I am considering adding some strength training to my yoga routine and putting more effort into planning hikes. In essence, kicking it up a notch, but not really heading into the running/cycling/adrenal fatigue territory that I was in before. I am open to trying some new things that aren’t super intense – maybe kayaking or bouldering. It feels good to be here and not feel the pressure to push myself because I feel the need to be an incredible athlete. I accept that with autoimmune disease my body has limitations, and I seek to respect and work with them instead of ignore and force it to do something that is counterproductive.
What has been your experience exercising with a chronic illness? I am curious to find out what you have done to stay moving while not overdoing it!
January 8, 2013 at 3:40 pm
Unfortunately, my experience with exercise and chronic illness (APS and Sjogren’s) is that they’re almost totally incompatible. Like you, I decided to try and do at least a little stretching and toning every day. Maybe just a couple of minutes – if that’s all my body can tolerate, I have to accept that. Inevitably though, the minute I start, something gets in the way. Either I’m busy with other things – don’t have time, or just plain forget. Or, most often, I suffer a minor (or not so minor!) setback and HAVE to stop. So it’s constantly back to square one again. And walking, I’m afraid, just bores me to death! Swimming’s w-a-y too much trouble – all that changing and drying! It’s a challenge! One I haven’t yet conquered.
January 8, 2013 at 11:14 pm
Hey Judy-
Take care!
Thanks for sharing your experience. I hope you can find a solution that works for you, or you may need to just not worry about it. Have you tried meditation? When I was physically at my worst, that was the only form of “exercise” I was capable of – just breathing. It helped me through some rough times, but I know it isn’t for everyone
January 8, 2013 at 3:57 pm
I am trying really hard to honor how my body is feeling. If I am too tired, I respect that feeling. Like you, I was active and fit before the “big crash” and so it is hard to feel like you’re being idle. But I go for short walks and do some yoga when I feel up to it. I know eventually I will be able to add-on, but for now I am working on being kind to myself.
January 8, 2013 at 11:16 pm
Hey Amy-
I like your style. Keep listening and collaborating with your body instead of forcing it to do something exhausting.
January 8, 2013 at 11:34 pm
I am proud to say that I have never been inclined to push myself.
I was an athlete in middle school (soccer, basketball, track) and gave it all up in high school when my symptoms began to appear and I got hooked on much-less-exhausting theater instead. For years, I made myself do yoga knowing that it was supposed to be good for all kinds of health problems… but I never liked it and during teacher training last year, I realized that during yoga was the only time I ever got neuropathy and nausea anymore, so I quit and have never looked back. I did work a manual-labor night-shift job last year at an animal shelter and I credit that with my adrenal fatigue nowadays. I walk a little now and then, not as often as I’d like, and I am working on setting up a treadmill computer desk now that it’s too cold and rainy outside… and now that I’m spending so much time on the computer writing and researching anyway. Even cleaning the bathtub gets my heart rate up too high so clearly, I still have some adrenal issues that need addressed before I push myself too much. All of this is another good example of how commonly-touted healthy habits… aren’t really that healthy for a lot of people! <3
January 9, 2013 at 3:29 am
Christina-
I don’t know of anything that will cause the adrenals to suffer more than nighshifts! It has been years since I had to wake up in the middle of the night to open the coffee shop, but my body is STILL on that schedule (I wake at 5AM no matter the season or how fatigued I am). Of course, the six cups of coffee a day that I drank in those days sure weren’t helping… if only we knew then what we do now, right?
January 9, 2013 at 4:34 pm
I can definitely relate. Prior to developing my own autoimmune condition, I was a massage therapist who often helped people with AI recover from medically prescribed exercise programs. It would be so frustrating for them to flare after exercise while simultaneously being told they needed to exercise to regain their health. So, I’ve seen this effect for years, and only recently experienced it myself. When my Rheumatoid Arthritis was at its peak, I couldn’t even stretch gently, because I would flare the next day. At that point deep breathing, meditation and what I call “chair dancing” were all I could do (sitting in my lazy girl chair, listening to groovy music, and just moving my body gently to the beat.) Now I still do deep breathing and meditation, but I can also use the exercise bike and do some gentle yoga. However, I’m limiting myself to 15 minutes of each, because I don’t want to overdo. I miss hiking, kayaking and strength training and hope someday to do all of those again and more, but I know if I tried any of those right now, they’d set me back. Coming to peace with where I am each day has been essential for me – being gentle with myself not only physically, but in terms of my expectations.
January 10, 2013 at 3:28 am
Eileen,
I love your idea of “chair dancing” – I could have used some of that in my darker moments. Thanks for sharing!
January 9, 2013 at 10:54 pm
Since being diagnosed with AI diseases 16+ years ago I’ve been able to exercise or not depending on whether or not I’m in remission. When I’m sick, I’m too tired and too sore to do more than try my best to make it through the day.
Since starting the AI protocol 6 months ago, I’m off all meds, sleeping better and – best of all – exercising again (which I LOVE). I was able to start back to the gym and doing CrossFit about 2 months ago. Now I go 5x per week. I am so excited to feel good enough to not only do what I need to do but do what I want as well.
January 10, 2013 at 3:29 am
Wow, crossfit! Honestly I have had fleeting aspirations to do something that intense, but I usually stop myself from thinking that is in my future. Congrats on your success with the AI protocol – its amazing what food can do for us, right?
January 10, 2013 at 8:07 pm
Thanks Mickey! You can absolutely do CrossFit! The beauty of it is you do what *you* can do. My class has a number of people with physical disabilities from injuries or surgeries or age…. They tailor every class where needed to address them all!
January 13, 2013 at 5:04 pm
Great post, I can completely relate. I am a runner and i’m pretty sure that’s what got me into this mess I am in. I quit cardio 9 days ago. I am now just doing yoga and walking, with a little bit of weight lifting.
I want to eventually get back to running. I coach in the spring and summer and I don’t want to give that up!
February 1, 2013 at 7:52 am
I keep joining gyms, but prefer to just walk. I love yoga, especially with a gong meditation at the end. Thanks for your post, now I don’t feel guilty for NOT rejoining the gym. I do have a treadmill at my house, and some weights… but I prefer yoga.
February 27, 2013 at 6:37 pm
I’ve tended to increase exercise in spurts and then end up sicker and with less energy. I push too hard sometimes. I’ve made myself all red and whoozy trying to jog. In the hot summer, forget about it. I’ve decided jogging isn’t for me anymore. I like gentle yoga and walking. I would like to build my strength.