The funny thing about healing, is that it is easy to get sucked into thinking you will always be stuck at the place you are at. For instance, about a year ago I was stricken with the idea that I would not be able to work in the traditional sense ever again, and I was scrambling to come up with ideas to come up with how to make a living. I had been sick so long that I could not imagine what it would feel like to even be able to work. Gradually over time, that changed, and I was able to take a mellow part-time job. Then I found myself feeling awful that my husband had to do all of the housework and cooking because all I was capable of was literally working that 20 hours a week, and I every day I would come home and crash. This thought pattern continued on as I healed more and more – it was never enough. In every phase of healing I found myself held back by the idea that I could not accept where I was at.
This thinking always gets me in trouble. In less than a year I have somehow worked up to being able to handle a full-time job, part-time nutrition program, two blogs and writing a cookbook. Add some unexpected life stresses (moving my mom and her farm up the coast and a hand injury) and I have quickly run myself back to a scary place – adrenal fatigue. I know the symptoms well – not sleeping, shortness of breath, lightheadedness, internal trembling, the inability to relax, feeling tired after sleeping 10 hours. When I start not getting to my walks, yoga, or meditation, I am in deep trouble – unfortunately right now it has been weeks since I have even thought of any of those things. I know full well that I am responsible for getting my body to this place by constantly needing to push myself more and not stopping and recognizing when there is still healing to be done.
Earlier this week I had a horrible dizzy spell that forced me to sit down and decide that I had to start doing less. I knew that it had been building for a few weeks now, but in true fashion I kept pushing until I reached my limit. I can’t really cut back on work or school – they both need to happen right now. I would rather not cut back on working on the cookbook, because it is finally rolling along and of everything I am doing right now, it is the most enjoyable. The only thing left on the docket is blogging. I have already cut back in the last few weeks, only posting a couple of times a week instead of 3-4. I decided that I will take the rest of this month, if not a week in March also as a complete break away from this space. This feels like really strange timing considering the complete explosion of blog traffic and likes on my facebook page, but it is what I have to do to stay happy and healthy.
The good news is that I will still be posting some of my meals and cookbook teasers over on my facebook page, answering email and blog comments. I could just use the few hours a week I spend coming up with blog content for resting – something my body is crying out desperately for right now. When I return in March, I will have the cover and release date of the cookbook to announce. I am happy to report it is coming along great – over 100 recipes written, now it is just being photographed, formatted and all the loose ends wrapped up. I am so excited to get it out into the world!
Until then, if you have any questions, comments, topic ideas or things you would like me to to write more about on this blog, leave me a note here. I have a long docket of ideas and quite a few drafts, but I could use this chance to check in with everyone and see what you would like to see more of.
February 15, 2013 at 8:50 am
Hope you grow stronger and feel better soon.
February 15, 2013 at 8:51 am
Thank you, Karen
February 15, 2013 at 9:14 am
I’m glad you are choosing to rest and take care of yourself!!! Take all the time *you* need…
February 15, 2013 at 2:25 pm
good for you for realizing when it’s time to scale back.
February 15, 2013 at 4:08 pm
I think it takes a brave, strong person to admit to needing rest. We live in a go-go-go society that doesn’t value rest as much as it values over production. You will be missed, but you must take care of yourself and do what you know your body needs. I hope you come back feeling deeply rested and with a greater sense of healing.
March 15, 2013 at 11:31 am
Thank you Amy!
February 15, 2013 at 4:28 pm
Thank you Mickey. I’m honestly amazed with you and other bloggers who have autoimmune issues. More importantly, I’m grateful to you for sharing your experience and knowledge. You are setting a great example by taking care of yourself. You inspire me to believe that someday I’ll be healthy and confident enough to expand my horizons as well.
March 15, 2013 at 11:30 am
Thanks Rachel for your support, I really appreciate it!
February 15, 2013 at 4:53 pm
There’s a lot of pressure in the blogging world to post frequently, but the truth is, readers are limited in their time, too. Many of my favorite blogs post just once a week. Maybe when you come back, that would be an easier goal to manage. In the meantime, enjoy the birth of your book, and rest up!
March 15, 2013 at 11:30 am
Thanks! I am planning to only post a couple of times a week until the cookbook is released.
February 16, 2013 at 10:30 am
Thank you for this…I’m really identifying with you right now. I know what you mean about feeling like things will never change. Hang in there, and don’t feel guilty about backing off!
March 11, 2013 at 2:32 pm
What a good reminder. Thanks. I’m intimately acquainted with the feeling that things will never change. My health is declining at the moment, and I’ve been feeling depressed about it. Will it ever get better? Then I ran into someone who’s as sick as I was five years ago, back when I thought I’d never, ever get better. Yet here I am! A bit fatigued? Yes. In bed, unable to work, for months on end? No. Not even close. My “bad” today is what I would have considered “impossibly good” back then.
March 15, 2013 at 11:29 am
So true, its all about perspective! I hope you figure out what is going on and are able to give your body what it needs, even if that may just be time.